In Defense of IVF

Some folks out there like to call our babies synthetic and unnatural.  Some folks out there want to take away the option to let people choose to do IVF as they think it’s immoral.

Meet H.R. 586, the Sanctity of Human Life Act. Introduced by Republican Rep. Jody Hice from Georgia’s 10th district, the bill seeks to define that “the life of each human being begins with fertilization,” and, more alarmingly so, that even a “one-celled embryo” is a “a new unique human being.” H.R. 586 is a classic personhood bill that goes directly against science, so how would this personhood bill affect IVF? If H.R. 586 were to become law, it would effectively ban the practice of in vitro fertilization entirely in the United States.

From the Romper article linked at the bottom of this post*

Some folks out there want to have a lot of say about what brought about my babies.  MY BABIES. Not theirs.  MINE.

I can’t believe I have to write this post but I will. For myself and for all of you.  It’s out there.  This animosity for IVF. Quite a few politicians and religious affiliations have denounced IVF.  Let alone just the everyday people you meet on the street.

I understand going through IVF was a privilege.  My husband and I have both worked for our employers for a long time and we both have good medical insurance that covered the bulk of our treatment through those companies.  I understand that for many, it never works.  I understand absolutely how fortunate we are and my heart is always always with those still longing.  But to take away people’s choice of whether they want to do IVF or not?  TO TAKE AWAY THAT SCIENTIFIC MIRACLE?  That is not right.

I know I stand little chance of changing any minds, but maybe if you know someone (ME) who’s gone through all this and has this family, this normal, loving family, maybe it might change your heart a bit.  So this is for the people who give me a hard time about my perfect babies and most importantly for my miracle babies. For all miracle babies. Surrogates and babies in gay relationships or straight ones.

The pain of infertility is deep and wide.  I write this for all of you swimming in that pain.  I write this for all the families who have children through fertility treatments.  SO MANY FAMILIES have realized their dreams though these treatments.  I write this FOR ALL THE BABIES.  All our perfect, beautiful, so incredibly well loved babies.  In defense of IVF.  Here we go.

You can read right here all about our struggles with infertility and then the science behind our babies.  Our normal healthy much loved babies.  If it hadn’t worked, we would have happily moved on to adoption.  You see, many folks want children.  It’s something we desperately want.  To have a family and to raise that family up in a kind and loving way to make the world a better place.  Not worse.  Not more full of hate.  Not all of us do want kids and that’s great too, but why in the world would I demean your choice not to have children?  I wouldn’t you see.  That’s the difference.

I don’t need to name call, I don’t need to belittle your life choices to make mine seem more acceptable.  The proof is in the pudding and the pudding made my two perfectly beautiful children. BOOYAH.


When people come for your kids, it matters. Insult me all you like, but you don’t get to take my family and our experience and my kids and turn them into something insulting to them. That is not ok. My kids will read all this one day. My kids will know that there was science involved. That we were incredibly lucky to have two healthy babies at once. That they were wanted so desperately and that we went through absolute hell to get them.

Someone asked me what I will tell my kids about how they were conceived. They were conceived of hope, love and science. Why wouldn’t I tell them that?

I don’t need to insult anyone in order to defend my own. I simply need to look at them. How dare you. How dare anyone insult my story, my struggle, my triumphs and most importantly my dream children. How dare you.

With one little proclamation of calling babies synthetic and immoral (because that’s what you do when you wish to take away IVF for these reasons) you strip incredible people of profound struggle, sadness and bone crushing loss. You take away their greatest life affirming joys and worse than that you call into question a persons entire existence. Now I could have some choice words for a person who does that. But I don’t need to. I don’t need to demean a person for their beliefs. We are all entitled to our beliefs and our opinions.  But when those beliefs and opinions turn into laws, well, people lose their ability to choose for themselves.

This is worsening the problem of hate.  This is worsening the agenda of fear.  I won’t stand for it.  I won’t just say it’s ok and let it go.  But I also will not sink to your level of dismissing entire populations of good people who have gone through experiences you clearly aren’t willing to show any empathy for.  I guess it’s just better ultimately then that I’m the one raising these so called chemical synthetic children, isn’t it. Love, acceptance, kindness and compassion are what they’re being taught. Even to people who think they shouldn’t exist.

* While the bill is aimed at stopping abortions, it also ends up hurting anyone who needs IVF in order to become a parent. This includes not just the 7.5 million people with infertility in the US, but any LGBTQ or single person who must utilize medical intervention to start their family. Please take a few minutes to read more here.

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