Things We Laugh About LATER: The Sickness

These babes o’ mine have not really been sick in their 2-plus years outside of my belly.  So we’ve had a killer run avoiding the yuck.


There is a first time for everything and we belly-flopped into the great unknown world of bodily functions that we had previously only heard tell of from others and their experience.

When I look back now I can see that it started with my girl in her inability to poop for 2 days.

Things We Laugh About LATER: The Sickness

The diapers after that were the kind of diapers that will live on in infamy.  Pooptastrophe.  Poopocalypse. Poopslosion.  None of these words are too strong to describe what happened here.  I will have flashbacks for the rest of my days.

She seemed to pull her shit together (!!!) by Saturday and my boy had not had similar experiences so I thought we were all set to be healthy again.

Blissfully unaware, we readied ourselves to go to a birthday party on Sunday in our finest duds with combed hair and strapped ourselves into our carseats.  As we journeyed the half hour to the party, all was well.  We were going to be there ON TIME.  Everyone had napped and was clean and the grocery shopping had been done and we were doing so well.  Until we were JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR.

We heard the gurgle and saw the vomit.  I naively thought it might be car sickness?   Or just a fluke thing.

My husband pulled over so that I could tend to the tiny amount that dribbled on my boy’s clean shirt and we hilariously thought, well we can just go to Target and get a new shirt and continue on to the party.

As we turned the corner to go to Target, the dam opened and toast vomit sprung forth all throughout the the car and down into every crack and crevice of the car seat.

My husband was the driver and he did an excellent job navigating considering the hurl wagon we were all floating along in was filled with crying and sighing and “OH NO”s.

Again we pulled over as I grabbed a beach towel from the trunk and pulled him out on the side of the road and stripped him of his clothes and sopped up as much as I could, but we had to get home.  As I’m sopping and flicking off undigested raisins and toast and goldfish onto the streets of Chicago (I AM SORRY), I start dry heaving along with him while repeatedly saying, “I AM SO SORRY BUDDY, IT’S OKAY BEBE” and my poor sweet grossed out husband is leaning back from the front seat with a laughter that can only be described as deranged (it’s how he deals with stress – thankfully) getting louder and louder as my dry heaves escalate.

It’s a 30 minute drive and of course, there was traffic.

I texted our friends who were hosting the party, and if I could’ve shared a picture or just a whiff of the smell in our car they would’ve thanked their lucky stars we didn’t set foot in the establishment.

The sweetest thing you will ever witness is a brother and sister in sympathy crying for each other and the one doing the vomiting telling his sister, “It’s okay, Bebe.  Please Bebe” in between rounds of sickness.

It seems my girl had it from one end and he had it from the other.  Just like companion twins.  They complete each other.  In all ways.

Each time I look back at them she has tears in her eyes and he just smiles at me under his sickly white face and says, “Hi Mama.”  My sweetest boy. Under his now more encrusted than ever Dida, he is more concerned about us than himself.

Courtesy of Nikki, our Awesome Nanny, upon hearing the news.

So the pukemobile got all the way until 4 minutes from home when another wave hit.  All over my boy’s tiny bare arms and shoulders and chest strapped into his vomit laced carseat of upchuck filled protection.

We got home and hosed them off and had a little bit to eat because he was starving.  All seemed to be well until about 10pm Sunday night when we heard the coughs turn into cries and entered their room to find my boy covered once again. Everything in his bed needing to be washed and another hose down required, but he was ok.  He had vomit in his nose because it’s new. He doesn’t know how to throw up so he has his mouth shut and it comes out his nose.

Another round of laundry and everybody up late night watching Zou and Caillou.  Once again, wanting to just talk with us and hold a cracker and his water than didn’t ever get digested.

The hug and laughter my husband and I shared that night was one of going through a tiny little battle together for the first time and coming out with more wisdom and fodder for funny stories to share with our kids as they get older.

For sure as shit, just as you’re putting the fresh clean car seat back on and everything has been sanitized and Febreezed and re-installed into the car, your husband wanders into the laundry room with two huge quilts because the cat has pooped and puked all over them.

Life is just a series of poop and puke, but if you’re lucky you get some big love and big gross laughter in between.

My boy and I went to the doctor today and it was the first time my twins have ever been separated.  Now, they will be separated, sure.  A lot.  But for now they find the most comfort in each other so why would I take that away from them?  They are just little. So when I woke my sleeping boy because it was time to go, I said, do you want to go with mama and he said “yes please” after waking up from a dead sleep. Then we walked upstairs to find Bebe and Nikki who were just coming in from outside and he says, “Bebe outside?” with a look of sadness that he wasn’t included that broke my heart right in two.   We were in the car – just me and my boy – and he starts eating the saltines he hasn’t touched in two days and sweetly said, “tanks mama” like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted.  We are on an upswing, yes.  The doc says it’s just a bug and we should be clear in a couple days.  He’s not dehydrated as he’s crying tears and has wet diapers.  YAY HOORAY.

We are going on day 3 here and it’s winding down, but here is my immediate Gratitude List:

  1. We didn’t get into the party we were going on Sunday and make everyone sick and cause mass panic.
  2. Most of the bile was contained IN THE CARSEAT which is washable (I CHECKED BEFORE BUYING AND YES IT IS WASHABLE) and I basically just threw the entire car in the wash so the car doesn’t even stink.
  3. We have our own washer and dryer in our home.
  4. I now have my very own barf bucket!  Every mama has one, right?  I am now in the club.
    IMG_9964 (2)
  5. I’m able to be home with my kids on work days if necessary (THANKFUL) so Nikki is here and I can get some work done too.
  6. My girl seems to be feeling much better, so hopefully it only lasts a couple days.  She had a great day with Nikki all to herself!

    image1 (2)
    Notes from Nikki.
  7. We don’t overreact to things.  Or, I do, and my husband talks me down.  So on the third day, I took my boy to the doctor, fearing terrible news, but hoping for the best.  A bug.  A passing stomach bug. That’s all it is.
  8. I am hearing his little voice non-stop talking right now downstairs and it’s the sweetest sound. Haven’t heard it in about 48 hours so it’s very welcome.
  9. MOST IMPORTANTLY, we can laugh about this. Someday soon.  Hell, we already are.

The sadness they feel when they are sick can rip us to shreds. But at the end of the day, if you feel like this, you are really damn lucky.  I don’t know, man.  This parenting stuff may be more than my poor heart can handle.

//  Always.
See also – When they are sick.


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