Going into work on a Monday (or Tuesday this week), the common question is “What did you do this weekend?” or “How was your weekend?” And my answer has always been some version of, “Had a great weekend. We didn’t do very much but it was awesome.” And then I hear about concerts or trips or dinners or yardwork and projects done or what have you from people either without kids or with older kids and I just smile and very honestly think about how I spend my time.
Maybe it’s because I have to be away from them three days a week to come into work, it feels even more precious when I get to with them. I don’t know.
I had a bunch of stuff I wanted to get done this weekend. Here’s my list:
- Switch out my summer dresses from my winter dresses.
- Clean out the garage.
- Go to Target.
- Go to Trader Joes.
- Vacuum the basement.
- Do laundry
- Feed and care for my babes.
- Clean out the kitchen cabinets.
- Frame some pictures.
- Get some picture canvases from Costco.
- Frame more of their art.
- Clean out the backseat of the car.
- Clean the office.
- Get shit ready to be donated.
- WRITE MORE OF MY BOOK.
Of course I have an on-going list of things I “need” to do. But the problem is, I don’t want to do them. And while there are many things in life that we NEED to do, many things are negotiable. I need to go to work. I need to pay bills and meet my responsibilities as a mom and a wife and an employee.
We do have choices though and while many “needs” seem like needs, they aren’t really that important. What is important is our state of mind and our presence of spirit in the moment.
Here’s what I DID do this weekend.
- Went to the zoo.
- Hung out with my kids.
- Hung out with my husband.
- Watched a shit ton of Friends on Netflix each night.
- Hung out with my kids some more.
- Made good progress on READING a book.
- Celebrated my 6 year anniversary.
- Took many long walks.
- Played at the park.
- Hung out with my Sister in Law.
- OK, I did, in fact, do some laundry. WOOHOO.
- Fed and changed and took general good care of my babes.
- Played in the kiddie pool and the sandbox and the backyard. Our backyard.
- Hung out with friends and their kids.
- Spent a lot of time on the floor and got messy with my kids. Unshowered and braless and happy. (THIS PART WAS NOT WITH FRIENDS, COME ON)
So what if my Summer dresses are still on the floor in the office. So what if I didn’t get to Trader Joes to buy “Monkey Balls” (IT IS A CEREAL, COME ON). So what if I didn’t clean out the garage that’s looked like that for a year now. Nothing catastrophic happens if I don’t get to those things in the near future. Hell, ever.
You know what does happen if I don’t hang out with my kids? I would miss it. I would miss all things.
I would miss that they say please and thank you as easily and as appropriately as mama now. I would miss that they love Daniel Tiger so much that they both want their own watch and I get to see the excitement and pride when I strap them on. I would miss that they want so badly to pick out their own outfits now and we have long conversations each time about their choices. I would miss being there when they fall down and look up for mama to come and hug and kiss the booboo. I would miss that they are so sweet and kind to each other even if it is after a little tiff they have, they are learning to work it out. I would miss all the new words and discoveries each day. I would miss that she needs purple, yellow and orange and he needs blue, green and red. I would miss that this is the day he likes banana and she likes avocado, so tomorrow it will be the reverse. I would miss that those shoes hurt her feet while his are better off with socks. I would miss that she wants both blankets on a certain way while he will just kick them off in an effort to get me to come back and give more kisses. I would miss her twirling in her tutu (any dress) and him racing by in his running shoes. I would miss walking in after naps for them to immediately say NICE DRESS MAMA. GO PARK?
Everybody says IT GOES SO QUICKLY. And it does, but when you’re in the moment and taking it all in and down on the floor, it doesn’t go so quickly. It goes just perfectly. Time is perfect.
I just remind myself, we are guaranteed nothing. We have no time limit, everything can be gone at any time and therefore, I protect our time and experiences fiercely. Time is our most precious commodity. This is all temporary. This is all fleeting and passes in the blink of an eye. I’m not willing to let many moments go right now so I miss out on some stuff.
We all make choices of what we HAVE to do versus what we WANT to do. I want to be with my kids.
My house is a sticky mess, but I just don’t care. Priorities, man.
I need to write more. I need to really focus on getting my book together, but it doesn’t seem as important as right now.
There are things we have to do as functional responsible members of society. There are things we have to do in order to take care of ourselves.
I’m not talking about ignoring my needs completely to tend to my kids. We all need tending to. That self care, man. That tending to our soul and our downtime is SO IMPORTANT. We cannot be our best selves to give to others if we don’t take time and care to fill ourselves up with the good stuff.
The rest of it though? So much of it is just not important. I WANT TO BE WITH MY KIDS AND MY HUSBAND. I GET TO BE WITH MY KIDS AND MY HUSBAND. Almost everything else can wait. I got nothing done this weekend and I have no regrets. That’s the most I could ask for out of this life.
Some would say I have nothing to show for my days off. But I say I have it all. It’s all about the choices we make. Each leads to another.
Today is my favorite. Until tomorrow.
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