BOOM. The girl opens her eyes. IT HAS STARTED. After a night of only waking up mommy and daddy once, the babies wake up for the day. They both sleep like champions at night. From about 10pm to 3am and then until about 6 or 7am. See? Got Damn Champions. Anyway, the girl opens her eyes. She’s still in her bassinet swing because that is where she sleeps. DON’T JUDGE. She starts waking and tiny little “eh eh eh’s” start up. Then the monitor goes off because guess what, her brother is up. He’s actually sleeping in the double bassinet pack n’ play that we got for them both to sleep in, but YOU try telling that to the little girl. She hates it. And we all know, if a baby is happy and safe sleeping somewhere, you damn well let that baby sleep there.
Mommy gets up and tends to the one who is crying the loudest. That is always the rule of thumb. Whoever cries the loudest and seems most uncomfortable gets the attention first. This causes great guilt in mommy because even if it’s just a minute or two between getting the other one too, there is always a ” he/she will feel neglected if I don’t get them both at the same damn time” feeling that multiples moms everywhere feel in some capacity. But the truth of the matter is, you only have two hands. Unless you are some super hero amazing I WANT TO BE YOU person with three hands, in which case, we should all mutate to get that going already – COME ON EVOLUTION. With the devil science making more and more multiples (I want to see the stats on this) we all need 3 hands. There are many times when I have both of them in my arms and thank gods they can hold their heads up now because that wobbly shit ain’t pretty when trying to get them situated as quickly as possible to feed.
The feeding. Yes, the feeding. Two at once most of the time and believe it or not, that is much easier and effective than one at a time. While the bonding is better with one at a time, it’s still there with two and you get two little angel sucking faces staring up at you. We feed and stop to smile and coo. Over and over. You can’t drink and SMILE SO BIG all at the same time, don’t you know. You’ve got to give proper time to smiling and for mommy – it’s the freaking BEST. It’s the reward. I’ve got one who nurses and one who has a bottle with expressed milk. They both suck. See what I did there?
Then, IF I AM EXTREMELY LUCKY PLEASE GODS OF THE UNIVERSE GIVE ME 10 MINUTES of babies being cool in the bouncy seat time, mommy pumps. Bane of my existence, the pump. When I’m done with that sucker I’m gonna go all Office Space on it and smash it to pieces. But the pumping has gotta be done, that’s what I’m committed to. Breastmilk as long as I can. With a bit of formula supplementing. YEAH, I SAID IT. FORMULA. It’s not like I’m giving the babies Coca Cola which, by the way they would love because that shit is delicious. But guess what? Breastfeeding is HARD. Having one that latches and one that doesn’t is a blessing and a curse. Basically I feed one and pump for the other and it is HARD. It is sucking me dry – get it? So I became ok with supplementing occasionally with both of them before I completely lost my shit. No judgement here for any moms and how they do this stuff. I don’t play that bullshit of judging other moms and I appreciate it when you don’t judge me either. Capice? Because when you judge me, you are really only judging yourself. And nobody likes a judger, especially when it’s judging yourself. (THANKS MIKE BRADY). Everybody stop giving each other shit about how they do things and mind your own damn business. Just support each other, christ on a bicycle already.
Back to business. Pumping is done for now and it’s play time. It’s BABY CIRCUIT TRAINING TIME. You can see pics of our set up and baby butts here. They get better and better every day, although sometimes they just fall asleep. Lazy babies.
Then, hey! It’s bathtime! It’s all about timing. I’ve found with ours, they are best at baths after they eat. They are calmer and enjoy it more. So, you have to make sure one is safely occupied while you bathe the other one. Which is no easy feat. Bouncy seat – yes or no? The playmat – yes or no? Our bed staring at the fan and light and forcing the cat to run away under the bed (SORRY ELIZA)? BINGO. OK, now onto bathing the other one. One at a time they get dunked in the bathroom sink because that cute little whale baby bathtub we got is a pain in my ass. The sink is so much easier. Those cute little critter hooded towels are super cute too, but I just use a regular bath towel that we’ve had since my husband was in college (!) and swaddle them like the baby jesus after their bath, which they really enjoy these days, by the way.
A major part of having twins is safely occupying one while you deal with the other. It’s a constant juggling act. But hey, what an adorable circus, right?
DRESS TIME! What should we wear today? What is the best costume for the day? One by one, mommy lotions them up and give a quick massage and plays on the changing table (more cooing and laughing and smiling – that changing table is like magic I tell you!) then dresses the little squirmy wormies.
Are we going somewhere? Car seats! Or the Jeep stroller! Get both strapped in and stuff a pacifier in their mouths, because while they love being out and about and moving, they hate the process of being strapped into their seats. HERE WE GO!
We live in a 2nd story walk in apartment and it is ROUGH getting two car seats full of baby up and down on my own. But they are so safe in those carseats, they don’t even care when mommy smashes them into the walls and the railings continually up and down the stairs! YAY MOMMY!
ALSO – I fancy myself being the most space efficient diaper backpack packer around. I have that shit READY TO GO at all times and no matter where we go we are prepared. I can whip the bewbies out discreetly and the bottles and the diapers and the energy bars at a moments notice. We are READY TO GO!
My mom tells the story of when I was a little girl and in my car seat in car, if I saw that we were headed home I would get all angry and say over and over, “WE ARE NOT GOING HOME. WE ARE NOT GOING HOME.” Babies really like motion and just being out and about, and this mommy needs to get out as much as possible, so she doesn’t lose her shit, therefore it works out well for all three of us.
We’ve gone all different kinds of places and we enjoy getting out. Sometimes they sleep the whole time but more and more they are awake and watching. People LOVE to stop us and talk and I love it for the most part. These babies are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, besides getting sober, so I love to show them off. It’s fascinating thinking of all they see when we go out. By the time we get home it’s usually just a couple hours until daddy gets home.
In those few hours we repeat the feedings and playing and cooing and smiling and laughing and do laundry or write a blog or try to watch a show that will likely take 4 hours to watch because, you know, babies. Interruptions. Lovely lovely interruptions. They don’t sleep all that much during the day, so it’s a non-stop baby ride all day long. They sleep so well at night, we won’t complain.
DADDY’S HOME!
Sometimes, when daddy gets home at 5:30pm, I complain. No lie. He will sometimes walk in to see a frazzled, nerves shot, curled up in a dirty messy ball mommy when he arrives and he just jumps in and grabs the baby who is crying the loudest. As we do. Sometimes he walks into a shitstorm and most times he handles it like the champion he is. It’s a lot to walk into after working all day. Other times I am just beaming with what a great day we had. Babies are just little humans and we all have bad days. We are all together at night for all the fun and that’s when the gratitude hits yet again. Having a great partner makes all the difference. And guess what? 2 more hands! He loves these babies so damn much and misses them while away from them. I am still in denial about going back to work in June, so I’m just not talking about it yet.
The days go by in a blur. A wonderful, infuriating, lose your shit, ALMOST but reel it back in and then they smile AT YOU and it’s the best thing you’ve ever seen in your life so you do it all over again blur. Two babies. What in the world could be better than that? As hard as it is, and it is HARD, it is really wonderful. I mean, who’s life is this anyway?
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Too Sober For This 