An Open Letter to Makers, Sellers, and Buyers of the Drunk Wives Matter Tumbler

“It’s like mockery, entitlement, and tone deafness all at once. It’s like spinning plates only the plates are made of actual garbage.” – my kick ass favorite friend Terry.


An Open Letter to Makers, Sellers, and Buyers of the Drunk Wives Matter Tumbler:

I found your ad for your “Drunk Wives Matter” tumbler on my Instagram yesterday as a sponsored post. When I actually looked at your page and realized that this is a real product that you are selling, my heart sank.

Fuck this cup.

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and go with maybe you aren’t aware of just how offensive and hurtful this is, so I’ll unpack it for you.

I’m a recovering alcoholic.  I’ve been sober for 16 years now, but this still hurts my heart.  I suffered for many years and I know so many women out there suffering right this second because they don’t know how to stop the cycle of alcoholism and addiction.  They feel lost and helpless and hopeless.  They look down their street and see women drinking and feel like they’ll be left out if they stop.  Add in these “SUPER FUN” tumblers and you’ve got complete and utter disrespect nailed.

My guess is there are quite a few women drinking out of these tumblers that actually don’t want to be and that is just heartbreaking to me, because I’ve been where you are.

I’ve seen women harm their kids, their families, other people’s kids, other people’s families because of alcohol. You know how many people die from direct alcoholism or proximity to alcoholism?  IT IS NOT FUNNY.

This is a link to an article (thanks to Jana) showing the statistics of how women in particular are drinking themselves to death.  FACTS HERE.

I know that most people can drink a bit and be fine, but for those of us who can’t, those of us who turn to the dark side because of this damn disease when we drink, for those of us who just don’t like who we are when we drink too much but everybody else around us is doing it, so why not me? Well, this feels entirely oppressive.

I have my own issues with the “this may be vodka” or “mommy’s sippy cup” products, but this is so much WORSE.  Go on and do you, but don’t take aim at others while you do it, I mean, where is your humanity?

I’ve seen men keep women sick because it’s easier to control them. Hell, I’ve been that woman.  I didn’t know I had other options and didn’t feel worthy of those other options. Stuck in fear and chaos was the only way I knew how to live, having some man save me over and over again becoming my sick champion until I heard from other women that there was a way out. WOMEN – You are so worthy of so much more than what these men are telling you.

Drunk wives matter? You couldn’t come up with anything more clever or offensive than ripping off the Black Lives Matter movement? People of color (and I am with them) are out here everyday screaming into the void that their families, their kids, their parents and grandparents matter and you turn that into a gross, twisted, sadistic joke? How fun it must be for them to have to fight every single day to be recognized as worthy of your respect as human beings.  Because they have nothing better to do with their time than demand that shred of human decency. I’ll say it once more for the people in the back – BLACK LIVES MATTER ISN’T TAKING ANYTHING AWAY FROM ANYONE ELSE MATTERING.  IT IS SIMPLY SAYING THAT THESE BLACK AND BROWN PEOPLE HAVE TO FIGHT THAT MUCH HARDER TO MATTER IN SO MANY PEOPLE’S EYES.

Oh I know you have an audience. I know people are willingly spending their money and you are taking their money. I know that if I don’t want to see it, I shouldn’t look, but it was thrust in front of me. I know you have customers who are buying your shit and perpetuating this ugliness. I saw it when I regrettably looked at your comments before reporting your products as offensive.

May you never be afflicted with alcoholism or addiction.  May you never care about anybody other than yourselves with the same color skin as yours. May you always live so far up in that ivory tower of yours that you never experience the pain and anger you’ve brought on by your little jokey products.

YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. YOU ARE PERPETUATING RACISM AND ALCOHOLISM. You are the sickness.  I am out here trying to be part of the solution.  I cannot imagine how it must feel to know you are helping to rip people – women and people of color especially – to shreds.

You’ve specifically chosen two of the most vulnerable, at risk groups of people to target with this message.  It’s not funny and it’s not ok.

If you didn’t know before, and I cannot imagine you didn’t, now you know.

You can absolutely continue to sell your products as I know I cannot stop you, but maybe somebody will think twice about buying them.

Be more clever. Stop dumbing down. Be better. For the love. I want to believe in humanity so so badly, and I do.  I see the good things people are doing and fighting for and caring about deeply every single day. But sometimes I can’t just scroll on by.  Sometimes I gotta call it out when I see it.  Join me, won’t you?

If you’d like to write an email to this company, the email address is

Here’s a photo of our kids alley garden sunflower because I need to balance out my outrage with something beautiful. This is how I stay somewhat ok. I remain holding buckets of hope over here.  BUCKETS.
See also:
All kinds of posts on my alcoholism and recovery – Just my experience, strength and hope.
I’m angry but I’m still here – guest post by my friend Terry quoted above

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