I am not a single parent. If I play my cards right, hopefully I won’t ever have to be. But I am for a few days as my dear sweet dumpster husband is off in Vegas burning through our whole $5 worth of savings for his annual boy’s weekend. I’m so happy he gets to do this as he’s such an incredible dad and I could NOT do this twins thing without him.
There are MANY who do this thing on their own. Every day, every week, every month, every year. They are on their own for various reasons. Someone left. They left someone. Someone died. Someone was never there to begin with and they chose to have kids anyway like the woman we were in our “Great Expectations for Multiples class with who choose to go through in-vitro and have twins all on her own! She don’t need no man! ROAR! Some parents are single parenting even though technically there is another parent in the house. You know what I’m saying.
I have several friends who are living single parenthood and I don’t want to put you on a pedestal, but there you are anyway. I have mad respect for those of you doing it on your own. I don’t pity you. I simply think you are awesome. I definitely think you are better than me.
I’m stupidly stubborn and proud that from the beginning I’ve gotten out on my own with the babes and done outings and stayed home alone with them every day for 5 months and I can do everything alone. There is a FUNDAMENTAL difference though. I always know that when I get home, my husband will be there to do the deal with me. When I wake up in the morning, he is there. During the middle of the night, he is there. I am very lucky to be in this situation for just a few days. I relied on my friends and even complete strangers to help me out.
These parents who do it all the time, they are gotdamn heroes. And I’m not even talking about monetarily. I’m strictly talking about physically having one parent to do this deal. Just from my few day’s experience with it I’ve formed 5 reasons (there are many many more but this is just a taste) why single parents are better than me:
- Using the porta loo when you can’t fit the babies inside with you. I hadn’t given it a thought. I know, I should have, but I didn’t as we pulled into the parking lot and I felt the need. We went to the pumpkin patch Saturday after we dropped Dumpster Husband off at the airport for his boy’s weekend. I was on my own with the babes and desperately had to use the loo. I saw another twin family with little girls and the mom had her hands full, but I jumped and said, “Do you mind watching these guys for just a minute? Nobody wants to see me hovering over the porta potty with the door open!” She just laughed and said, “Go ahead, been there done that.” THANK YOU TWIN MAMA WHEREVER YOU ARE! YOU HELPED SAVE MANY HURT FEELINGS. Nobody wants to see me hovering. Also, I knew she had her hands so full with her own babes that she couldn’t run off with mine. I’m smaht like that.
- Bath Time Shenanigans. With twins who are OBSESSED with each other, there is no keeping them apart on their own. Usually when I’m doing baths, my husband is playing with the other one. Not the case when you’re on your own. You have this nonsense to contend with.
They’re ALMOST at the point where they can handle sitting up and not sliding everywhere together in the bath, but we’re not quite there, so for now, it’s one at a time and the other trying desperately to grab the duckie.
- The whole bedtime and morning time routine with no partner around? That is a WHOLE. NOTHER. LEVEL. You’re trying to do the whole timing and schedule thing that is ESSENTIAL with twins or you have one sleeping and one crying and you desperately need them both to fall asleep at the same time, which, with two people is pretty standard at this point, but now there’s only ONE OF YOU. You have to feed both and get both settled at the same time. I don’t have 8 arms people. I do this for naps, but for nighttime it seems especially difficult. Respect. And the morning, while trying to get ready for work? It was kind of a shitshow today. But we did it.
- The companionship. My boy is standing. It happened over the weekend while my husband was gone. He is doing it for just a few seconds at a time, but he is doing it! I sent my husband tons of pictures and videos, but he wasn’t there and I didn’t have him there to squeal with. Not that everybody even wants a partner to do life with, but I do. I miss not having him here to enjoy all the things with. And to listen to me whine sometimes too. This is only a few days. This is where single parents hopefully have a village that they get to share with.
- The breaks. Single parents don’t have built in breaks. I realize now how much my husband and I rely on each other to just give 10 minute breaks here and there to take a shower or eat something or fold laundry. I know there’s a village and all that, but when you live on your own and you have little kids, you must never get a break. I wish I could give you all breaks.
- BONUS NUMBER 6. The schlepping. Christ on a bicycle the schlepping. Two babies at 20 pounds each in a car seat, plus all their accoutrements. I mean, we really need about 5 people to carry all this stuff, but just having one extra person is really helpful.
Hopefully I won’t ever have to be a single parent. But if it does happen I have set up my village in such a way that I know I will be ok. I am living through experiences that give me mad respect for those who live in different situations than I do. Single parents – you are so much better than me! If I can help you in any way while carrying a baby in each arm, you just let me know.
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