After waking a few times to deal with a crying baby or a ghost Tickle Me Elmo who creepily started giggling even though no one and nothing was touching him, it is morning and it is time to get up. Dear Sweet Dumpster Husband and I were in bed this morning when the alarm went off and we both said, “I don’t want to” and then said, “ok, let’s not”…..but then the babies and the dishes and the Nanny arriving and the getting ready for work and the day and life happens and before you know it, you are just doing it.
The same things you did yesterday and the day before and will do again tomorrow. You are doing it. You suit up and you show up and you are present in your life. YOUR LIFE. This life you wanted for so long and didn’t ever think you would have now at times can seem a bit monotonous. And yet, you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Part of feeling all the feelings is acknowledging that sometimes JUST SOMETIMES it all gets a bit tedious. The changing and the feeding and the changing and the feeding and the constant tending all becomes an endless loop and you can forget that this is the best thing in the entire world. Because it really is. But you must also acknowledge that sometimes, just sometimes it can feel like the world is passing you by and you are doing the same things over and over again and not really getting anywhere.
But then, you look at them. And you look at your husband and you think, THIS IS ALL THERE IS. This is all that really matters and nothing else in the world is as important as this moment and this event that is happening. Because it is an event. Every single day is important.
It would be easy to forget that just a few short years ago you would sit around on a Sunday (the most lethargic of days) and long for more. For more giggles and time spent playing with babies and going for walks and preparing food and bathing and just, well, more. More is the word I’m looking for.
And just a few short years before that you had nothing. You had a hole so deep and so wide in your soul that nothing would fill but sorrow and regret and you think, this is incredible. This life is incredibly full. Every stinkin’ moment. Just a few years ago existing felt too hard and look at all you’re doing today.
So, in those moments of monotony when you feel as though what you are doing is not important and you are frustrated and wanting to just move onto the next thing, strive to feel it. To notice the wonder that is before you. You have this life that you never dreamed could be yours and you are living it in a way that you never felt capable of handling before.
You are up to the task. You are the most qualified person for your life. You can do it all. Whether you work outside the home or are there all day every day, you have an extremely hard job. It can be so difficult to find the balance. Sometimes it’s all too much. You are TIRED. You think, I just want to stay home with the babies today and not go off to work for 10 hours. But then when you get home, it’s all worth it. You are providing the best way you can for your family and you are taking care of yourself as well. Eating well, taking care of your spiritual and physical self, taking care of your family. Balance. It’s tricky business.
We all complain and feel frustrated sometimes. But the balance of realizing this is all so fleeting and these moments will be gone in a flash, make it even more important to savor everything. Even the double crying in the middle of the night when you just fed him an hour ago and he still won’t stop crying and he’s now made his sister cry and you have to get up and go to work in the morning and now you are awake and thinking about everything you have to do.
Whatever you do, don’t miss it. I miss them when I’m away from them. Doesn’t that tell me all I need to know? I love the monotony of motherhood. The best part is, I am signed on for life. Every tedious, lovely moment.
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Too Sober For This 