Next to sobriety and tricking my husband into marrying me, having twins is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. But there is something associated with having twins that I know other moms feel too. That ugly bastard named GUILT.
It started out innocently enough. After people put the fear of god into us about having twins and that we would NEVER SLEEP AGAIN and would ALWAYS NEED LIVE IN HELP because there is NO WAY YOU CAN DO THIS YOURSELF, we were actually just fine. For those of you who are expecting twins, don’t listen to that nonsense. You will be just fine. If you have a partner who is up to the challenge and will be there for everything, you will be fine. I’m not sure why people feel the need to scare us, but they do. I’m here to tell you that you will be fine.
Anyway, as I was saying, it started out innocently enough when we got home from the hospital with the babies. My husband had the girl baby and I had the boy baby and we would listen for our respective baby’s cry and tend to them at night. It worked really well actually. We both got sleep and each baby had all their needs met. The problem is that we are still doing that to some extent even though they are now 7 months old.
I have a nasty tugging feeling in my soul at times that I can only identify as guilt.
We’ve gotten so used to dealing with “our” baby that the other one sometimes doesn’t get as much one on one time with the other parent as we would like. When I’m at home with the babies, sure I get one on one time all day, but there are many times I have to put one down in order to deal with the other one.
THAT is a major part of the twin mom guilt. They BOTH need something from me, and yet I have to prioritize and decide which one needs me more at that particular moment and without being able to explain this to the baby I have to put down, I’m sure on some level they feel that. Am I projecting too much onto them?
The answer I give people when they say, “I don’t know how you do it with two babies”, my answer is always, “it’s all I know.” I’m really hoping that is the case with these babies too, as all they know is being a twin. They know that there is always another baby around and honestly, they are pretty excited about that these days, so hopefully it’s not too upsetting for them. They are happy and healthy and all their needs are met. They get plenty of cuddle time and play time.
The flip side of how difficult having two babies can be is that they LOVE hanging out with each other. What a gift! I think the boy is working on a magic trick or something here…..
I’m more conscious of them spending equal amounts of time with mommy and daddy these days as they get older and need that interaction with both of us. It’s the easy thing for me to grab the boy baby as he nurses with me, and the girl baby goes with daddy because she takes bottles. THAT’S THE EASY ANSWER. So I’m challenging my bastard guilt and trying my best to make it fair. Can it ever be fair? I don’t know.
We moms always have some guilt about something, don’t we? I’m doing my best to combat that guilt and take solace in the fact that we are really doing pretty great. As long as these babies are happy and smiley and well fed and played with and rested, then we are doing our job and doing it well. I want to punch guilt in the face. So that’s what I’m going to do. Perhaps a swift roundhouse kick to the groin too. Take that, guilt! “HIYA”, said in Miss Piggy’s voice OF COURSE.
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