We have found our Nanny. She is practically perfect in every way.
We just have to work out the details. It struck me as I was texting her last night with an utterly ADORABLE picture of Hall & Oates, that I was wooing her. Like a second wife or something. I was sweet talking her. I was sending her tantalizing pictures. What have I become? Did I mention we re-watched Big Love and I’m OBSESSED with sister wives? That show is delicious.
I’ve accepted the fact that I’m going back to work next month and we need a Nanny 3 days a week. There’s a part of me that’s really looking forward to it, AND I’ll get to go to my regular Nooners AA meeting again which I’ve missed terribly. HOWEVER, this Nanny thing has been intimidating and I just might be sabotaging it a little bit. I don’t know, you tell me.
I posted on the Moms Of Multiples board and a few moms came back and said, “we’ve got the best nanny and she is available for 3 days a week like you need!” Lo and behold, we found our perfect Nanny who has tons of experience with multiples.
Here is what I’ve found while looking for the PERFECT NANNY:
- Number one rule – BE PROFESSIONAL. You are hiring someone to perform a task for you and you will be paying them to perform this task.
- When out and about, skulk about with other Nannys you see out with their kids and ask if they are happy in their current role and if they have any friends who need jobs while slipping them a $2 bill with your phone number on it. Only it’s not a real bill, it’s a fun fake one you made with the babies on it! They won’t care that it’s not real money, who needs money anyway? It’s unique and they’ll be sure to remember you!
- List on Nanny websites exactly what you are looking for, including at the end, “PLEASE BE AWESOME AND FUN.” It’s been our hook. Seriously.
- Invite them over for the first time on the hottest day of the year when you don’t have your air conditioning on and everybody is sweaty and uncomfortable. It makes a killer first impression.
- Do it right at the witching hour when the babies are known to be at their most charming.
- Make sure you have plenty of bodily fluids on your person when he/she arrives and answer the door with a winded and tear stained, “HERE, TAKE THIS BABY.”
- Don’t tell them you have a cat for fear they may be allergic or really not enjoy cats – let it be a fun surprise so that when they meet everyone is scared silly! The babies will enjoy the screams!
- Whatever you do, don’t mention you write a blog and probably will include them in your silly antics.
- Tell her that you don’t approve of sugar OR medicine for children. And then laugh and laugh and keep saying, “GET IT? DO YOU GET IT? YOU KNOW FROM THAT MARY POPPINS SONG?”
- Ask them if they require a background check performed. ON YOU.
- Act really awkwardly spazzy about how great they are and that you really want to work with them and then start sending pics of YOURSELF with creepy messages like, “I miss you” and “Don’t forget about me!!!”
I could go on and on about how I am ROCKING this whole situation, but I think you get the idea that it is pretty much in the bag. She digs us. She can handle the spazz and laughs about it with us and THAT is exactly what we are looking for. She’s babysitting for us soon as a trial run and if the babies don’t SCREW EVERYTHING UP, we should have it all sewn up! Silly lazy babies, geez. MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION, BABIES! WE ARE COUNTING ON YOU TO BE PROFESSIONAL ABOUT ALL THIS.
Short of all that, though, just go with Michael and Jane Banks here – they’ve got the best list of requirements for the Perfect Nanny.
The Perfect Nanny by
Jane Banks:
[Spoken]
Wanted a nanny for two adorable children
[Sung]
If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts!
Play games, all sort
You must be kind, you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty
Take us on outings, give us treats
Sing songs, bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel
Never give us castor oil or gruel
Love us as a son and daughter
And never smell of barley water
If you won’t scold and dominate us
We will never give you cause to hate us
We won’t hide your spectacles
So you can’t see
Put toads in your bed
Or pepper in your tea
Hurry, Nanny!
Many thanks
Sincerely,
Jane and Michael Banks
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