As I sit here I have spit up on my shoulder and pee and poop on my pants. And no, it’s not mine. But the glamour doesn’t stop there. Oh no, there is the smell. The sour smell of breast milk wafting through the air that I MUST FIND THE SOURCE OF. Is it on the pump? Is it on her neck? Is it on my shoe? Is it on his onesie? Is it on part of the bottle that I have to take apart 846 pieces to get to in order to clean? Is it on the cat? OH THE CAT. That’s another whole set of smells that we are dealing with. I will get down on all fours and find the source of a cat pee smell if it kills me. WE CANNOT HAVE THE CAT PEE SMELL.
There are many many MANY fabulous quotes by one of my blessed icon’s Little Edie Bouvier Beale (heart love heart love) but there’s one part in the documentary (NOT the movie and not the stage play – the original documentary is the the ONLY thing that matters and will change your life) where the guys come to film and she opens the door saying, “Come on in, we’re not ready.” Totally welcoming but knowing she’s not at her best.
This woman lived in utter chaos and squalor and was a fashion icon. That attitude. It’s all it is. You take garbage and turn it into fabulous with that attitude. That is kind of how I try to live right now.
Another great quote – “No, I’m not ready; I have no makeup on… but things are getting better!” I mean, THAT right there? Is how I try to live my life. I do my best to get dressed and get make up and hair done almost every day since I’ve had these babies. That was easy when I had no babies. Part of why I love my job so much is that I get to get dressed (no casual dress code at my office) and go downtown to the Loop to work every day. Now you can mock me or call me superficial if you like, but dammit, I gotta do this because I feel better when I do. There may be pee and poop and breast milk and spit up all over me, but dammit, I have heels and red lipstick on – meaning the babies have red lipstick all over them too, but who cares? They know they are loved. “Come on in; we’re not ready.”
You can have NOTHING and feel sad or let down and STILL get your shit together to look good. It helps me feel better. I admit it. I admire somebody who suits up and shows up. It doesn’t mean you ignore feeling sad or shitty or whatever is going on, it just means you are putting on your battle gear. FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS, remember? I feel less than sometimes and like this whole “mommy” gig is sucking me dry – literally – but I still suit up and show up. Maybe after a good cry or a good hysterical laugh.
It’s OK to want to look good and present yourself in a way that maybe you aren’t feeling at that moment. I find there is absolute truth in if you look good you will feel good. Or at least BETTER. We have a Pinterest thing going where we post what we are wearing that day and there’s a whole group of us normal folk doing it because it’s fun and we have fun doing it. Vain? Sure. Fun? Yes. Encouraging? ABSOLUTELY. All of that. Join us won’t you? It’s just about us feeling good and presenting that to feel better. Make sense? Women encouraging other women to feel good and look good? WHAT A CONCEPT? I highly recommend it. Women building each other up instead of tearing each other down is the only way I play. I must mention also that this is in NO WAY a judgement on you if you don’t like to dress for the day as I do. Being a mommy and feeling good is a personal thing. You do whatever helps you rock it and you have my admiration. WOMEN NEED TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER even when we do things differently from each other. Cool?
The best thing is, lately I really do feel good. This whole mommy to two little lunatics is intense. It is intensely gratifying and soul sucking all at once. It’s pretty much the best version of myself that I get to see every day. I get to practice all the new behaviors I’ve learned in sobriety. Namely, selflessness and being in the moment. This gig is pretty fantastic. I wouldn’t have this gig if I wasn’t sober, so that causes even more gratitude. You see where I’m going with this. It feels even better to look good and like myself PLUS have my three best accessories – Hall & Oates and a BIG HUGE SILLY STUPID SMILE on me at all times. And this really is the best costume for the day. You understand.
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