I Love Misfits

I am a misfit. I am an alcoholic. I am a late bloomer and a social undesirable. I am not who advertisers cater to. I am less than. I am a woman closer to 40 than to 30. I was childless, up until recently.  I am a renter.  I am divorced and now married to the man I am meant to be with.  I will be 40 this year and just now getting my shit together.  Kind of.

But you know what? I wouldn’t take back any of the shit that I’ve gone through that have made me who I am.

I LOVE MISFITS.

I was in jail. I was homeless. I had hallucinations. I had delirium tremens. I was hopeless. But today, I choose hope.

I have compassion for those that most people choose to look down on or ignore. The undesirables. They are who I feel closest to. It’s an odd thing to feel that way, when in reality today my life is amazing. I have a soul that is full. I have a spiritual bank account that helps me get through every day trials, big and small. But I didn’t always have all this. I did the hard work. And I keep my past very close, so I don’t go back there. If people hadn’t been kind to me when I had nothing, most of all a full soul, I would be dead.

I wouldn’t be funny if I weren’t an alcoholic. People who knew me in high school don’t remember me being outspoken and funny. And part of that is due to getting older and perspective and confidence, but a lot of it is due to going through so much pain that you can laugh at yourself.

We are a proud lot, us misfits. I am talking about people who don’t fit the social norms and how we are always trying to fit in but then one day it just clicks, that, you know what? I don’t even want to fit in. And we say screw all that bullshit and grab our own truth by the balls and live our own god damn life.

This is not an Oprahism. This is not a rah rah let’s all love on each other and blow smoke up our own asses post. This is simply to say, I LOVE MISFITS.

When you can safely and confidently say, I am recovering, from whatever the hell you went through, you are free. And to people who want that, it is there for you.

My heart beats loudest for animals and for misfits. And for misfit animals. When people admit their shortcomings and, even better, can laugh at them, they earn my respect. When people want to get better, and I see them trying? It makes me want to try harder.

I can’t rescue people. They need to rescue themselves. But I can try to help. Many people helped and are helping me. The circle goes on.

I’m inspired by fighters. I’m intimately acquainted and in love with addicts and alcoholics. But I’m also, on this side of it, inspired by friends and family of addicts and alcoholics. It’s a special kind of hell those people go through with the sick people they love.

When you really think about it, we are ALL misfits in some way, shape or form. Some of us hide it way better than others, or they think we do. I choose to yell it out in the hopes that it helps someone else. My single greatest joy on earth is helping other alcoholics. It is better than any drunken high I ever got.

I love misfits. And to those of you out there trying your damnedest to get better – to be better – please keep going. You are not alone, and I promise it does get better. We all need each other. I say it a lot, it’s not easy, but it’s so worth it.

Being a misfit can seem hopeless.  It’s so good until it’s not.  And then we have to find love in a hopeless place, like the Rihanna song.  And we can.  And we do. And we go on.  We get better and thrive more and more.

There are times you have to walk over the bodies. It’s true, if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t help others and if it’s sucking us dry, it’s no good for anyone. But we can try to help. Life is meant to be lived well. Not with things or money, but with relationships and with laughter. That is my goal anyway.

So MISFITS? Rage on. I am proud to be among you.

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