Do You Have the Guts to Look a Grown Bunny Straight in the Eyes and Poop Like a Champion?



But one of my twins did.  Hard.  The boy child – Oates – went for it.  Go big or go home.  The girl child – Hall – slept through the whole debacle.  Side-note – I hide the baby faces, get used to it.

WHEN – Last Friday
THE SCENE –  The Mall

Look at his face.   LOOK AT THAT BUNNY’S FACE.  I mean, my gods, he is terrified.  Most people would say the bunny was terrifying, but this guy held my two 9 week olds at once and DIDN’T. EVEN. BLINK.  We won’t mention the fact that he doesn’t have eyelids.  When Oates had his man to man moment with the bunny, no words were spoken.  No eyelids were blinked on either side. It was mano-a-mano or baby-a-bunny and some sounds were exchanged but no words.   I like to think there was a mutual understanding of what went down.  Things happened. We all moved on.  That boy of mine is a g-d champion, I tell you.

Look at that bunny’s velvet pants for gob sake.  This dude looks like Macklemore and Ryan Lewis dressed him in your Granddad’s clothes and he looks incredible.   He looks TIGHT in his thrift store duds.  That bow tie?  You’ve gotta be stone cold gangsta to pull that off and look so fly.

Look at his GIANT bunny hands. You know what they say about the size of a bunny’s hands, right?  Well, let’s just say the size of a bunny’s hands are a direct correlation to his heart.  Am I reading too much into this bunny?

I’m a new mom.  And we live in the city.  But new moms need to get out often and stretch everybody’s legs so we go to the suburbs to the mall sometimes because it’s Chicago and it’s cold out, yo.  We’ve never done the whole “take your kids picture with an imaginary figure like Santa or the Easter Bunny or an Honest Politician” so it was a big deal for me to do this with Hall & Oates.  Other moms said “bless your heart” and “are you here by yourself” and “how are you dressed with heels and make up on?”   We just wanted to see the creepy old bunny who was a pro when I handed him two small babies and said “are you OK with these two?”

He simply nodded his giant head yes and I heard a chuckle from inside his mesh eyeballs.  The whole time I watched I couldn’t help but think, I DATED THE GUY WHO WAS THE MALL EASTER BUNNY WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.  And he had a kick ass mo-hawk.  Now my little baby boy sitting there on that bunny’s lap has a faux-hawk.  Is this what we call full circle?  Have we finished?  Am I done?  Nope.  We are JUST BEGINNING.  And I smiled to myself thinking, when I was in high school I would have made fun of me right now.   I will take a baby faux-hawk any day.  They are as awe inspiring as a real giant bunny wearing a full suit made of velvet and plaid and polka dots.  Maybe even more so.  MAYBE.


Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: