How big are you? SO BIG. One of the first little games they played with their Grandma and we all cooed and laughed and clapped along with them.
People always think they are older than they are. I hear, “are they five?” often. And my answer is usually, “they are just three, they are still pretty little.” Now that they are 3 years old and big 3 year olds at that, it seems to be a resounding chorus of THEY ARE GETTING SO BIG every day, all day.
My response is always, THANK GOODNESS. People seem to want to hear in response some sort of regret or wistfulness or want me to express some stoppage of time, but that is never ever what I feel. I won’t tell them to stop growing, I won’t wish they were littler. I will be right here for whatever they are experiencing today, good or bad.
People LOVE to tell you how fast the time goes when you have kids. And HOW BIG THEY ARE GETTING. I joke that it’s a good drinking game to take a drink each time someone comments, THEY ARE GETTING SO BIG. Everybody would be sloshed.
It seems so many folks like to rush you. I refuse to be rushed. I REFUSE TO BE RUSHED. When you are in the moment, as best you can be, nothing feels rushed. It feels exactly as it should be. One of the greatest challenges I have on a day to day basis is to stay right where we are, in this moment. Not behind and not ahead, but here. THAT is how I don’t miss a thing.
Time is perfect. It’s not any quicker or slower for any one person. Each one of us has a certain number of minutes and days and years and what we do with them is what matters. I wasted a lot of years and I will be damned if I throw any of these next ones away.
Each milestone and growth spurt and healthy check up and sentence strung together of new ideas in context is a gift of epic proportion and I don’t take that for granted. Ever.
When you are friends with folks who have lost their GETTING SO BIG kids overnight to cancer or some other tragedy, when you see parents losing their so big kids to alcoholism and addiction, you just don’t think that way.
Do I complain? Yes. Because being a human is hard sometimes. As is being a parent. And we all have a right to complain without any comparison to how bad anybody else has it. But my perspective is always is geared toward gratitude. Because MY GOD this is all so so so good. Even when it really sucks, it’s still really really good.
These kids are incredibly kind to each other. It’s really almost too intimate to bear witness to sometimes. When we share with others the stories and videos or if they see them interact live, people always ask, “how do you get them to be so kind to each other?” and my answer is usually just something like, “it’s all them.” They are best friends and they fight sometimes but mostly they take the best care of each other. We could all learn a thing or two from their concern and pure love for each other. I want what they have.
I hear a lot of, “enjoy it now because when they get older they will be fighting like cats and dogs.” And while that may even be true, it’s certainly not helpful, right?
They are still little and I am going to let them be little as long as they possibly can because they have the rest of their lives to be big. We are in this incredibly sweet spot of 3 and I wouldn’t trade it for a second. I think 3 is my favorite age, but I’ve said that about every age so far. And I have a feeling I’ll keep saying it.
They are kind, funny, smart and so very curious and yes, sometimes they are frightful monsters. They are still little. They are getting bigger every day but for now they are still little.
While it’s true that the older I get the faster the years seem to go by, the difference is that these days I am present. I’m not missing a thing. Maybe it’s a gift of being an older mom, or maybe just all we went through to have these kiddos, or maybe it’s being in recovery, but it feels almost sacrilegious to say something like, I wish they would stop growing.
I hope they always keep growing. The only wistfulness I feel is in thinking that something might happen to stop them from growing. I want to be here for every moment, for every joke, for every kind word they speak. I want to be here for every argument and negotiation and terrible mistake they make. I want to be here for every sickness and celebration.
I didn’t have these babies just to wish they would always stay little. I am here for all of it.
The truth is, I get to be here. I GET TO BE HERE WITH THEM TODAY and that is the greatest damn thing, isn’t it? I wouldn’t go back and I wouldn’t go forward. I want to be exactly where we are.
And each time someone says THEY ARE GETTING SO BIG, TELL THEM TO STOP GROWING, I try not to get my fur rankled and instead say, “Yes they are. Isn’t it wonderful?”
Today is my favorite.
See also:
These are the bubble days of parenting
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Too Sober For This 