At almost 42 years of age, I’m finally comfortable in my own skin, soul, heart and mind.
This is what happened when I learned to love my imperfect self.
- I can look folks in the eye and see them for who they are right at that moment. There is no wishing they were different or would rise to the occasion or blame or pity. No expectation that anyone will change, EVER. It’s just meeting people where they are and realizing we are all doing the best we can. No falsity. You are you and I am me and we are both occupying this space in this moment in time and it’s pretty incredible. Where are you going? Who will you see? Who are you thinking about and isn’t it lovely that we have folks to think about?
- I can smile with my whole face. When I look at you and smile, I’m looking you right in the eye and appreciating you for you. For your place in the world and what it means to those around you. To me right in this moment. I honor you. I won’t look you up and down and do the scan with my eyes thing when approaching you because I hate that when people do it to me. You are just lovely and I see it in your face. I don’t need to do an instant sizing up of you like I used to do in order to feel better about myself. I’ve looked hard at that insecure behavior in myself and find it has no place in my life these days. I honor you exactly where you are and I will smile while looking you in the eyes.
- I can say kind loving things to folks right then and have no regrets later. I’ve practiced saying what I mean and meaning what I say for a while now so that people know where they stand with me. Sometimes it makes folks uncomfortable, but for the most part, it’s just about letting people know now, not later because there may not be a later.
- No matter what my body looks like today, I am super proud of all it’s capable of. I used to be the girl people turned their heads to look at. These days I blend in more. The best part of that is that I enjoy blending in more. My biggest fear used to be blending in. Being “boring”. I am just part of the bigger purpose. I walk with my head held high with confidence in who I am and full of purpose. My body is incredible and I try to take care of it, not perfectly and certainly I can do better, but I do okay and that’s pretty damn good. My pooch is my pride. People look at my kids far more than they look at me these days, and I am more than ok with that. But hey, it’s also nice to be given a compliment and I know how to take those graciously today as well. Because I feel it. THANK YOU.
- Everything in my life has meaning today. From making breakfast for my kids to booking international travel for my boss. There are different levels of importance of course, but having purpose is vital. I am an important part of my little world and that means everything. I want everything I touch to be better. I get to give back instead of just taking.
- I can love my kids fully truly madly deeply. I get to be an example of love and forgiveness and kindness and respect. Nothing compares to that.
- I don’t care what people think. At least not like I used to. I wasted so much time trying to be good enough or pretty enough or tan enough or funny enough or thin enough when in reality, this is the happiest I’ve ever been and I’m none of those things. I didn’t love myself when I was trying to be perfect. There is such freedom in letting go of all that.
- I don’t need to play games. I don’t need to please everybody. I don’t need to make everybody happy, I couldn’t possibly. I don’t need anyone’s approval. I just need to feel in my gut that it’s right.
- I can say no with conviction. No justification or explanation. I can say no without acting as if you need a reason. You don’t. I am just as valid and worthy as anyone else, and my no has just as much power as yours.
- I get to just be. I don’t need to waste my time being jealous or comparing myself to others. I don’t need to gossip or belittle others. I get to just exist in this perfect moment right now, right here, and be present. Not looking forward and not looking back. I’ve longed for this my entire life.
Besides, when you get dressed in the morning and pull up your control top undies and push up bra to the chorus of two little ones singing “OOOOH NICE SHIRT MAMA YOU LOOK SO PRETTY MAMA OOOOH MAMA YOU SO CUTE”? You pretty much know you are the most incredible most beautiful most perfectly imperfect woman in the world.
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