Milk was easy. Well, in the hospital when they were first born and I cried every time they latched, it wasn’t easy, but after the first week or so, you fall into a groove and you know when they’re hungry they get one thing. M I L K. There’s no guesswork. I don’t like having too many choices. Choices freak me out. So, milk is easy. I mean, we gave them some kool aid every now and then for variety, but mostly milk.
Now that we are approaching 6 months and they are attempting to take the food out of my mouth as I eat over their heads and dribble marinara sauce on their pristine little heads, I think it’s time.
It’s the solid food introduction moment. And I’m terrified. Because I’m afraid of everything. I was afraid of breast feeding and formula feeding not too long ago BECAUSE WE HAD NOT DONE IT YET. As with everything else, anticipation is the worst part. Once I get going on something, it’s never as bad as my scary little mind makes it out to be. Walking through fear (SOBER) is part of every day life, and I’ve certainly been through scarier shit than this!
So, solid foods, huh? Let’s all just calm down and focus on the best things you can feed your baby when they are at this momentous stage. I give you, The Ultimate List of Best Solid Foods for 6 Month Olds:
- Rotisserie Chickens. Whole. With bones. I mean, they’ve got to learn how to eat around that shit, right?
- Peanuts. Lots of them. You can grind them up and make butter so it’s smooth and delicious. Or the crunchiness of whole peanuts with the shell on will help their gums get tougher while watching a Cubs game. Make sure they share with all their friends.
- Rock Candy. Start here and THEN move on to pop-rocks. I mean, they ARE still just babies. Don’t rush them.
- Celery. Doubles as silly string. And floss. For their non-existent teeth.
- Coca Cola. Not technically a solid. But still a food group, amiright? Now don’t cheap out and buy the bargain generic brand either. Your baby deserves the best. And it mixes well with #3 up there. Tis the season to blow shit up!
- Sizzler OR Old Country Buffet. Babies like choices. And ice cream do-it-yourself bars. And communal chocolate fountains. My babies already drool chocolate. Nuff said.
- Mike & Ikes. You have to give them some fruit you guys. Use your heads.
- Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup. Use it to flavor the ICE CREAM. None of that milk stuff anymore. Just ice cream at freezing cold temps and syrup. I heard somewhere that it’s medicinal. Which is another solid you should introduce. MEDICINES. All kinds of medicines.
- Is Chew considered a solid? We don’t want them babies smoking, right?
- Finally, ribs. Sticky, chewy, boney ribs. It is summer after all, and if your babies love to grill out like mine do, they need a rack of something to keep their energy up. They love rack of Mommy, why wouldn’t they love rack of ribs?
Seriously though. Can I get serious for a second? This was a thought I had last weekend that turned into a Tweet/Facebook status update –
There was a time when googling “starting solid foods” would have been for me after an all vodka diet. My how life has changed. Grateful.
Pretty profound, right? Nothing is as scary as all that.
This solid food nonsense? Easy peasy. In reality, avocado, oatmeal and banana are going to be on the menu starting next week, one at a time for a few days. Because I know some of you will write me and yell at me for making jokes about this very serious step. When really? WE GOT THIS. The really fun part is going to be teaching them to ride a bike next month. One of them already has a helmet. Zing!
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Too Sober For This 